A lot of times i think the road just puts life under a microscope, and puts everything on the line. It seems like you end up with a dangerous combination of too much time, dought, and pletty of opinions. It takes a great deal of disapline to handle it at times. Sure you work through things, but afterwards your just flat out shaken. You learn that your a far thing from having it all together, far from what you had previously thought of yourself. That "residual image", the intangible view of who you are now cracked. A new shade, a new tone mixed in to the color of who you are. Perhaps not as bright as before, yet more aged.
It's almost as if a great palat of white paint represents the beging of our life. It relects all light. You could almost call it "youthfull". As we grow and mature into adult hood different colors are added, giving a spot of color to the white to the unexposed youth. Experiance after experiance the paint darkens while the colors fuse together to make a dim grey. The hearing and sight fades, and ambitions dwindles away. Everyone else seems brighter and quicker. As your sitting there in your "prime" you admire your grandchildren, and children. You see life in it's fullest, yet your colors shows your tried and true depravity long awaiting it's resolution. The dull black no longer refects any light as your youth and health has long faded. God's gift to man is soon to come with the passing of one life, and a start of another. As if mortality were a gift to have a secound chance to start over, yet this time in his presence and in the comunion with our Father.....finally you are home.