Thursday, August 17, 2006

So at 23, I feel at least 25. Yesterday I had a collection of different thoughts in my head. Some of my troubles were improving while at the same time another one was dragging me down.

First of all, over the summer I ended up getting myself sued over unpaid rent because of a unoffical subleaser paid absolutly nothing. I didn't have to pay anything, but that was off the books. I was legally responsible, but ethicly it was my roomates doing. So between him and I, he was going ot have to shell out the money. I guess that's all good, but I'm still having to whipe of crap from the utility bill that were late, and unpaid, so I'm still getting over that hurdle.

Secound, I met an amazing girl and we had a great week together. It was incredible, and definatly boosted my confidence some. However, getting to this point was absolute F'ing hell. I had life figured out that no matter what I wasn't going to find someone like that again, and I just lost my chance. I thought that this was one of those "times" to fight and not to give up. I thought that anything after that, wouldn't have compared to it, and it would have been below standard...which I still think there is a lot of truth to that, because my standards just got a lot a good way. I used to determine my standards by my confidence level a bit too much, which in turn effected which women I found attractive, or should we say, "I could see myself with". Now I really don't care about that leage stuff. Thanks to Melissa I see myself in a new light. When I saw me wearing my crappy clothes she saw so much more. Now I see that "more" as well. I see something that has alot that could be appriciated. I see a lot that can be offered.

third, a friend decided to vamp on an old issue from last summer. I know thier intentions were good, yet sometimes thier advice hard to swallow, and it's hard going down. It got me worked up a little, but somehow I was able to just move on, and today I made little victories to proove to myself that i still had "it", regarless of what was said by my friend. soon I was back on my feet and really didn't think much of what had been said. I accually found my own feet without running back to disproove or argue with that person. Later that friend called me and just wanted to make sure I was doing ok. It ment a lot. I told him or her that I was encouraged on some of the advice, yet damaged on other things he said. I told him or her that I knew it was out of good intentions and we arrived on good terms. him or her, him or her, him or her. Ha

So while I was replacing the door I kicked in I was thinking of how I'm completly over taken this week. In a sence I'm at rock bottom, but that's ok. i've had some very intimate moments with friends about struggles, and thier stuggles, and I've learned to see things in a new way.

Here's a picture of the new door. Man I kicked the crap out of the old one. It was awsome. I think some of your finest moments are birthed out of your worst moments. Perhaps in a way, that was the case here. A new beginning, and new change. A fresh start.

Re Vera
In Truth


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