Thursday, May 18, 2006

A purpose

ya know, a lot of poeple try and pass me off as some strange guy. some guy that really doesn't have all that much cofidence, but maybe with a lot of potential. And I may have so much, but I just don't believe in myself, or what my capabilities are. Quite honestly, I really don't know where I fit in. I've have several best friends one for each stage of my life, but I never really found a niche of people that I can have a common bond with. Most of the time my fellowhship with others has nothing to do with females, perhaps because girls might be afriad of out of the box thinking. Maybe it's because most don't and can't frame me into a type of person, they just don't get me. I could almost say that it's a fact, that any girl I've gotten close to, or dated, has "gotten" me. And in this sence, my mom is pry the only one that really gets me. My sence of humor, my anti-conformist thougths. Secound would be my friend Jason. You could say that humor is the way to my heart, so about any of my friens that I can get a good laugh with, those are my close friends. Iv'e never had a ton of friends, the ones you can call up if you just wanna hang. There's often times where the few friends that I know I can call, arn't avalable. Of coarse I should call new friends you say? But then again, I feel I'm intruding because I don't know sports, or I don't think a certain way. On top of this I'm having this oppression lifted off of me that says, "stay clear of those public school kids, they don't have the same values as you do". So I have this subconcience fear that I'll be percecuted just by being in the same room with non-christians. Much more so when it comes time to sit back and get to know a stranger at a pub or bar, I feel as if I have a secret to hide, or that they're going to drag me down, or make me conpromise on my values. I have learned this just to simply be fear, and nothing more.

So I have these two forces working against me. One of them is only my fear. The other one is just how I'm built. I think I'm in a time where I have to reject this fear of being persecuted for being of differnent faith and move on. However I'd like to mention a bit more on my personality, and why there is nothing wrong with it. Some would say that I'm not assertive enough or I don't have confidence. Sure, not enough for the average person, to be like everyone else. I believe I'm made for a spacific purpose, one that only a few are able to do, and I must rise up to this purpose to fullfill my potential. Kinda like how each member of a church/body has a purpose, or a stength that he/she can contribute to the whole. What if someone with great skills simply didn't contribute. Just let it rot away.

You could say this would be like a great person of history never rising to the occation to change the coarse of that history, and slipping away into the sea of people. There is nothing wrong with seeing it this way. I've heard so many times that individuals that were in the spotlight, like artists, writters, ect, were often excentric characters. I think that they're just built differently. Could the great minds share thier passion with like minded friends?....I'm not sure they could. Perhaps they were alone in the things, ideas and passions they had. Perhaps they were complete outcasts becasue of it. some where even arrested for not fitting the mold. (early england church, communist governments, ect) Perhaps I have a chance at doing something other than ordinary. I'm not saying I'll go down in the history books, I'm just saying I need to respect the potential I may have, to do whatever it may be, at whatever degree.

I'm not nessisarily talking about size here. At the root of a president is a single man. People of NYC are the same size as people from Niceville. I'm not trying to be pampus about this. I'm just saying I'm not a waste of flesh and blood. I refuse to live a ordinary life.


At 7:48 PM, Blogger Manders said...

the last sentence, "I refuse to live a ordinary life," just triggered my memory of something my pastor said on Sunday:
"I am a child of the King. I have been entitled to His riches, and I REFUSE to settle for the scraps." He was so excited when he said it, he nearly shouted, it was awesome! :) Anyways, I thought it was a cool quote.

Jesus never wanted us to just live life. He said that He came so that we could "have life, and have it more abundantly." So presumably, since you are a child of the King, there's no way He would let you slide on living an ordinary life even if you wanted to :). I'm sure He's got great plans for you...

Ttyl :)


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