Wednesday, May 10, 2006

People are full of it

Ya know, i'm really tired of people that are full of it. I couldn't tell you what's going on in my head if you paid me. I'm frustrated at most things, even objects, and I couldn't tell you why. I'm just flat out awnry. Perhaps it's just I havn't had a good day sence friday. Everything I've tried to do has been successfull, but a minor disapointment. The world seems to be going against the grain, and I find things to pick at certain things and how they're not right. Why.

Perpaps this dissoence is a good thing. Change would never happen if everyone was always happy. You'd be worried about a married couple if they have yet to argue, and it makes ya wonder, how can this be perfect? You wish someting would go wrong so you at least have the mind of ease to knowt that the problems came, and where fixed. Everythings ok. Perhaps problems are a welcoming element to life. Darkness and life, they can define one another.

I heard once that all great writters have a great disatisfaction in the land they live in. I've noticed that when i'm wondering about a girl, or "reaching" for a resolution of a problem, I have a hightened sence of creativity. In the summer, when nothing happens, all my ideas fade, and things become bland. During the year, the phones flyin off the hook, and the inspiration is right there, waiting to be flexed. Creativity waiting to be expressed.

I can't figure it out. Why am I down? Maybe it's my job, and how I feel like I've been traded. My skills no longer of any value. Maybe it's that I can't find a female vocalist. Does no one believe me? Does no one think I'm worth it? What the crap. I think i'm offering an incredible oppertunity here to sing some "cool" songs, someting different, something with a unique quality. Gosh, why wouldn't you want to be on the edge like that? Maybe it's that I have 30 something students to do a video for, a house to buy, papers to sign and hundreds of thousands to look foraward to having in my name in dept. Perhaps that's it, yet in reality those are all good things. I have a job, and will own real estate. Those are all great things, expecially for someone my age to already have those things.

I don't know. I think i'm in a great spot, i just dont' have anyone else around to make a comparison.


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